J.A.R.D. v.5.8.11

* – first and foremost: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

* – now, please allow me a Homer Simpson moment: “mmmmmm, scallops wrapped in bacon… (drooooool…)”

OK, where were we..?

* – well, I bet Jessie’s girl is now glad he didn’t get her.

* – I’d like to see 6 of these 25 summer movies.

Take a guess as to which ones. 🙂 

* – I’ll grant you that Traci Lords looks pretty good for 43.

But I gotta kinda balk at calling her an “actress.”

* – she certainly looks better than this woman:

Just what in the HELL was she thinking?! I mean, I’ll give points for chutzpah, but yeesh…

* – wait a minute, one can sue one’s spouse for a lack of sex? Hmmm…

Just kidding. 🙂

* – open mouth, insert foot.

* – the following picture was reportedly taken within five minutes after Prince William slipped the ring on Kate Middleton’s finger:

🙂

* –

And where exactly was Jesus when he said that – at a strip club? 

* – “I get sick when I hear athletes say ‘I’m not a role model.’ Yes you are.  You’re just not a very good one.” – Tim Tebow.

But let’s villify the guy because he’s pro-life.

Oy.

* – dude, you’re totally missing the point behind wearing a baseball cap…

* – a smartphone made from “paper.”

Yes, you read that right.

Ain’t technology amazing?

* – if you’re a marine biologist, you might want to hang out at Martha’s Vineyard.

If you’re a swimmer, you might want to avoid it.

* – it’s a pretty good time to be an astronomer, too.

* – I’m pretty sure I don’t ever want to bring Little Man to this amusement park…

* – David Barton on The Daily Show. Interesting stuff.

* – gay conservatives?! NO WAY!!!

I’m sure they’re not authentic gays, though. I mean, we all know being gay has nothing to do with what gender you prefer to have sex with, but rather whether you vote Democrat or not. Just like being authentically black has nothing to do with the color of your skin, but rather how you vote. Or like being an authentic woman has nothing to do with whether or not you have a vagina, but rather how you vote.

* –

Couldn’t resist.

* – did you know there was a Republican presidential candidate debate this past Thursday night? You can see some highlights here.

* – a great interview here between Glenn Beck and Allen West.

* – another good piece by Glenn here, on who are we as Americans? Who should we be?

* – should we privatize Social Security? Apparently it’s worked pretty well in Chile.

Take a wild guess on how I’d answer that question.

* – yes, reducing the size of government creates jobs.

* – remember this post of mine – from over two years ago?

Yeah, well – they’re baaaack!

Read the comments from that two-year-old post of mine – seems like Bo called this one dead on.

* – let’s see… it feels like I’m missing something here… I could’ve sworn there was some major news story that happened in the last week or so… (finger snap!) OH YEAH!

We got the motherfucker!

And just in case there were any doubts, al-Qaeda themselves confirmed it.

And props to President Obama for giving the order:

Here’s hoping many, many people find some closure.

A lot of people certainly found some joy and pride – and, yes, I’m one of them.

And they got him with a Special Ops mission – they way I’ve been saying we should’ve been fighting the War on Terror all along.

So just who is SEAL Team Six, the team that took out bin Laden?

They are “the quiet professionals.”

This is the kind of man who becomes a Navy SEAL.

Apparently a dog was part of the assault team?

Shame about the helicopter, though.

“But bin Laden may have been unarmed when he was killed!” Yeah? And your point is?

“And they used the name ‘Geronimo’ as a code for bin Laden – how racially insensitive!” Oh, please. Fucking spare me.

(a little overly simplistic, perhaps, but awesome nonetheless! 🙂 )

This is rumored to be bin Laden’s final Facebook status:

🙂

You know, I haven’t found Saturday Night Live funny in a long, long time. The original cast (Murray, Akroyd, Martin, Belushi, Radner, et al…) of course, was the best, and the show experienced a bit of a revival during the Dennis Miller, Dana Carvey, etc. era, but I’ve found it irrelevant for quite some time.

Then they did this piece.

And this one:

🙂