Posted by: nhfalcon | April 10, 2011

J.A.R.D. v.4.10.11

* – beware toilet seats in Wal-Mart’s on April Fools Day!

* – thanks in no small part to my brother-in-law, I am slowly venturing into the world of what I used to call “beer snobbery.” Once upon a time I was perfectly content to drink Bud, Coors, Miller, Mich, or even Rolling Rock. I still will, truth be told, on occasion, especially if money’s a bit tighter than usual, but more and more often lately I find myself preferring to try something different.

My brother-in-law started by introducing me to Lindemans Peach Lambic. This is a very fruity beer. You can quite easily smell and taste the peach. Not everybody likes that, but I found it quite tasty. Then my boss at work got me a Christmas present of a bottle of Captain Lawrence Golden Delicious – beer brewed in apple brandy barrels. This was much closer to a typical dark beer taste than the Lindemans. The bouquet of apples was there, but not so much the taste. Then, also for Christmas, my brother-in-law got me two bottles of beer: a Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary and a Weyerbacher Merry Monks. The Sierra Nevada is good. I haven’t tried the Weyerbacher yet. Last Sunday I bought myself a four-pack of Dogfish Head Midas Touch – beer allegedly brewed from a 2,700-year-old-recipe. I have tried those yet, either. I was also intrigued by Wells Banana Bread Beer. I’ve got some catching up to do, though, so I’ll finish the ones I have before I give that stuff a try.

The one that piques my curiosity the most is the Midas Touch. A while back I recommended a book called A History of the World in Six Glasses by Tom Standage. In the book the author talks about, among other things, the history of beer and what it was like when humans first brewed it. It wasn’t nearly what it’s like today. For one thing, it had no hops in it. Hops was an addition made during the Middle Ages. Secondly, it was more like liquid bread than it was a beverage. Having more than a little bit of the historian in me (or so I like to think), I’d like to sample what our ancestors called beer.

* – according to one Spanish scientist, having a pint after exercise might be as good or even better for you than drinking water! Cheers!

* – just probably not one of these beers.

* – speaking of beer, what does it say about the quality of your product, Colt .45, when you’re relying on a contest where you can win a chance to meet Billy Dee Williams to try to drive up sales? Billy Dee Williams? Really? Has this guy done anything relevant since The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi? Has this guy done anything relevant other than The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi?

* – seriously, folks, if you or anybody you know has HBO and would be willing to record this for me, I’d be more than willing to compensate you for the time and the cost of the blank DVDs and shipping.

* – oh, you have GOT to check out howitshouldhaveended.com!

* – I’ve said it before, but I’ll always find reasons to keep saying it…

Thank God I’m a guy! 🙂

* – I’m a little concerned at how funny Cookiemaker finds this commercial:

* – I think I just found something to get Cookiemaker for Christmas:

🙂

* – apparently I need to watch women’s tennis more… 😉

* – contrary to what you might think, I did not develop this app (warning: site not exactly safe for work).

* – screw Rambo and Ah-nold, these guys were the real deal.

* – we’re getting closer and closer to real Star Wars stuff here, kids. 

* – the day isn’t that far away when it will be the private sector, not the government, that leads the way in space and deep-sea exploration.

* – I hope you weren’t having a nice day up until this point, ‘cuz this food stamp participation graph is gonna take the wind right out of your sails.

Yeah. How’s that “economic recovery” working out for ya?

* – another example of “if this had been said at a Tea Party…”

* – what’s a J.A.R.D. post without a little Chris Christie porn, huh?

The man does call it the way he sees it, doesn’t he?

Of course, the real flaw with Chris is that he doesn’t care about education. I mean, how could he? He’s a Republican! They’re genetically incapable of caring about education.

Aren’t they?

* – and if we’re gonna have Chris Christie, we gotta have Allen West, right?

* – and if we’re gonna bring in Chris and Allen, we should probably bring in Andrew Klavan, too, huh?

* – now, if this had happened to Charlie Rangel or Maxine Waters I feel pretty safe in saying it would have been national news. Why, then, was it not national news when it happened to Allen West?

What’s that? Oh, right, of course. (facepalm) Because West is a Republican, and black Republicans can’t possibly be victims of racial hate crimes. What was I thinking?

* – normally for something like this I’d say, “only in America.” In this case, however, I’ll have to say, “only in Canada.”

I do believe these protesters have a valid point, though. There’s no such thing as “asking for it.” Period. I don’t care how she was dressed. I don’t care what promises you think she made you right up until the point she said “no.” The bottom line is she said “no.” If you push it beyond that point, as far as I’m concerned, you deserve to get shot in whatever body part she wants to shoot you in.

Questions?

* – so, apparently, according to at least one idiot politician in Malaysia, it’s ok for men to cheat, but not the other way around.

* – I’m sure I’m going to open myself up to a big ol’ can of whoop-ass with this one, but I’m diving in, anyway…

I thought one of the big reasons Roe v. Wade is the law of the land and we federally fund Planned Parenthood is to protect poor women with unwanted pregnancies from botched back alley abortions and to make sure they have access to contraception so they don’t have an unwanted pregnancy in the first place. Really? Really? Really?

So, what, then, exactly is the difference between a back alley botched abortion and a federally funded clinic botched abortion? 

* – I wonder how many other countries, like America, have women flying combat missions in hostile airspace?

Thank you, ladies, for doing your part to protect my freedom. May you be able to come home soon, safe and sound.

* – oh, good, so we’re gonna get involved in Yemen now?

* – her’s an interesting article on the idea of wars of humanitarianism.

* – what? We’re gonna try the 9/11 suspects in a military court now? But I thought that was mean and despicable and a violation of their constitutional rights (please don’t ask the question of how can they have constitutional rights if they’re not U.S. citizens. Please don’t bother our political and intellectual elites with petty little meaningless details like that, you bothersome little heathen)?

Huh. I guess a little reality came along and smacked some people right in the face, didn’t it? 

* – “The One” will run for re-election. Shocking, I know. So, you in?

Oh, HELL to the no!

* – damn, and I thought going out to dinner at The Outback was getting expensive!

* – so, we managed to avoid the dreaded federal government shutdown. Whoop-de-frickin’-do. Why am I not doing cartwheels of joy over this? I’ll let Kemtee explain. As you’ll see, she’s much better at it than I am (note that her piece was written when the threat of a shutdown was still real). Bo’s followup was also quite pithy.

(out of date now, I know, but still too good to pass up)

* – “This Republic was not established by cowards; and cowards will not preserve it.”

“This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave”

– Elmer Davis

* – so, what is a disability?

Is it only having one leg?

Or is it having no hands?

Or is it being blind?

Or is it just a state of mind?

Just some food for thought…

 * – just for a change of pace, I’ll try to end this episode on a more humorous note…

Let’s hear it for warmer weather!

Give this kid credit for creativity.

Well, it’s nice to know the American education system isn’t the only one that’s a bit messed up.

I’m not going anywhere with this one. It’s just way to easy.

Pussy wind? Is that another term for queef?

This person is definitely not a PS3 fan.

S/he is very creative, though.

Will the dollar fall?

Remember, the key to financial success is to be a tightass. 🙂

Why do men like women in leather dresses?

Because they smell like a new golf bag. 🙂

* – it’s been a while since I’ve done any demotivational posters, hasn’t it?

‘Nuff said.

Yes, this would be one of the reasons I’m ok with gay marriage.

Yes, yes it would.

Somehow, I can never find these pool halls. Help a fella out, would ya, folks?

I think the caption says it all, don’t you?

I damn near spewed my Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary all over the monitor when I saw that one.

How embarrassing.

* – in recent times I have been compared, by various people, to…

Tony Stark,

Flynn Rider,

and Gambit.

Yeah. I think I’m ok with that. 🙂

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Responses

  1. Falcon = Flynn Rider. Hmmm. So you’re okay with chameleons giving you ear licks?

  2. I don’t know that I’d call Cookiemaker a chameleon… 😉

  3. I can’t tell whether you’re aware that Billy Dee Williams may be even better known as the long-time Colt 45 spokesman than as Lando Calrissian. He’s not just some random third-tier celebrity they selected for the contest.

    Glad to hear you’re elevating your beer selections. Life’s too short to drink cheap beer. Welcome to the light. My current favorite is Sierra Nevada Torpedo. It is what’s known as an Indian Pale Ale, or IPA, and those are typically very hoppy. Not sure how far you’ve explored into that realm, but I wouldn’t jump straight there from a fruit beer. Sam Adams Latitude 48 is an excellent “gateway” IPA. 🙂


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