Posted by: nhfalcon | April 18, 2008

So, Why Porn?

I was looking through some old emails the other day (a quick aside here – does anybody else have emails from the beginning of 2004 still on their computer?) and stumbled across one I had written about porn. A female friend – who shall remain nameless –  had emailed me to ask me why men find it so fascinating. If I recall correctly, she had caught her significant other looking at some on the computer one night (though he, of course, vehemently denied it) and she became a bit concerned. Porn in and of itself didn’t necessarily bother her, but seeing her partner looking at it planted some seeds of doubt in her mind. “Does he not find me atttractive anymore?” “Do I not satisfy him anymore?” That sort of thing.

So, when she needed some answers as to why men look at porn, for some strange reason she turned to me. 🙂

 The following was my response (with a little bit of editing):

For starters, there’s no way I can talk about porn without sounding like a perv, so let’s just admit that I’m a pig and move on, shall we? 🙂

I believe your first question was something along the lines of how porn affects a man’s satisfaction with his sex life. I equate porn to alcohol in this regard – it depends on the guy. Some men can have a beer with dinner and not touch another drop for months with no problem whatsoever, while others need a fifth of Bacardi 151 just to get through the day. Some men can just flip through a copy of Playboy at the magazine rack of the corner store if the cover happens to catch their eye, while others need to remember the little schoolgirl / golden shower / anal / bestialty / gangbang vidclip they downloaded the other night just to get it up. It depends on the guy.

Why look at porn at all? Basically, it’s an outlet. If you’re a guy who’s not getting any at all, whether it be because you’re shy, socially inept, just plain ugly, or some combination of the three, porn gives you at least a visual and / or audible outlet for your urges. Sure, you could just close your eyes and use your imagination while you’re jacking off, but porn gives you a little bit more tangibility (is that a word?).

What if you are getting some? What if you’re married or otherwise deeply involved with a woman and have no intention of cheating – why look at porn then? It’s still an outlet. I have a theory that the kind of woman a man fantasizes about on a purely sexual level is often not the same kind of woman he fantasizes about falling in love with and spending the rest of his life with. Look at me – I have the rap that my “type” of woman is a big-titted blonde, and if I were to be totally honest, I’d have to say that’s correct. If I were single and at a bar just looking to get laid, I’d more likely try to hook up with a Pamela Anderson / Anna Nicole Smith lookalike than a Cindy Crawford or Kate Moss or Nicole Kidman lookalike – not that I’d kick them out of bed for eating crackers. 🙂 Now look at Cookiemaker – she’s obviously not that “type,” but I did marry her, and I think Little Man is proof that I find her sexually attractive. 🙂 Porn allows a man an outlet for that “fantasy woman,” and be honest, which would you rather a man do – get off fantasizing about that kind of woman by jerking off to some porn, or get off fantasizing about that kind of woman while having sex with you? 

This works with another theory of mine – there are different kinds of sex. Making love, having sex, and fucking are not three different terms describing the act of reproduction, they are three totally different acts. Making love involves a spiritual and emotional level that the other two don’t have. Having sex is purely physical and done for the fun of it. Fucking is purely physical and more or less involes using the other person. Porn shouldn’t be involved in making love, might be used in having sex, and almost definitely will be used in fucking. A guy’s fantasy woman is usually a woman he thinks about fucking, maybe having sex with. Again, be honest – would you rather be made love to, or fucked?

What if a man has happened to marry a woman who’s also his sexual fantasy type? Why might he be looking at porn then? Once again, I’d say as an outlet. She may be his “type” in regards to her looks, but maybe she’s not willing to do things that really turn him on. Maybe she doesn’t like giving blowjobs. Maybe she’s horrified at the thought of anal. Maybe she thinks he’s a perv if he asks her to go completely bald “down there” or dress up like a schoolirl or a nurse or a french maid or a policewoman or whatever. Maybe there’s no way on God’s green earth she’ll invite her best friend over for a threesome. Whatever the case may be, porn is then the only way the guy can have an outlet for that.

If she’s his “type” and is willing to do anything he wants and he still looks at porn? Then he’s a lost cause! Just kidding. Then he’s proof of one of my other theories – that at some level all men are pigs, which is the femiNazi way of saying that at some level all men are like any other animal with a penis. We have an instinctual need to sow our seed as widely as possible. At some level or another, despite our opposable thumbs and towering intellects, we have an overpowering urge to bang anything with two legs and a heartbeat. Some of us are just better at controlling that urge than others.

Well, there you go. If you have any other questions, comments, or restraining orders, just let me know. 🙂

Those are just my theories, and they are only theories. I could be way off. Certainly they don’t apply to all men. Some men don’t lok at porn at all. They may find it immature, disgusting, morally reprehensible, against their religion, or even see it as a turn-off. However, if the billions of dollars spent every year just in the United States alone are any indication, most men do look at it. Hopefully my thoughts here will give you all a little insight into those small minds. 🙂

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Responses

  1. I find women demanding to know why men look at porn to be impertinent. It is part and parcel of the whole “women are right and men are wrong” philosophy which has taken over the world in recent decades, at least in the USA. Lady, what I do with my mind and eyes is my goddamn business! I sign over my paycheck, do the dishes, get shit from you if I watch an entire football game on TV, get shit if I’m “rude” to your idiot relatives who constantly want to drink my booze and borrow my (our?) money, and who, if I wasn’t hooked up with you I wouldn’t give 10 seconds of my time.

    I listen to you endlessly relate some anecdote which probably took all of 8 seconds to transpire, giving you all my attention lest I get in deep shit with you. At the end of the narration, if I managed to stay awake, I know the name of the cat of every person in the tale, their marital status and the status of their marriage, how hot or cold it was in Mongolia during the event, the phase of the moon, the color of the panties of the third cousin of a lady who walked by while the event was taking place, . . . you get the idea. I have no idea, of course, why you found the event worth describing. I guess, by your lights, I should have the right to say, “I see no point in you telling me that story, it was impossible to follow it the way you told it, you wasted my time telling it, and it is a sickness on your part to retain such meaningless drivel and relate it to me when you could use your mental energy to think up new ways to pay attention to me, and reaffirm that I am the alpha and omega of your existence on this mortal coil.”

    Okay (deep breath). Men do not have to justify themselves to women! Men do not have to be interested in only those things which interest women! Just because women somehow personalize everything to themselves (let’s face it womens’ insecurities and egos are much bigger than mens’), does not mean men have to alter their behavior to indulge that neurosis. Get some counseling ladies, you believe in that sort of thing! Your emotional neediness/weakness does not mean I have something wrong with me.

    The truth is, our love and loyalty is not enough for women. They want to own our souls. I once dated a woman for oh, maybe a week, and she said I should get rid of my car because I’d driven other women around in it! Guess what/who I got rid of!

  2. Did I say all that?!

    What I meant to say was that men and women differ more than just physically. Those difference manifest themselves in the things we like, dislike, etc., etc. (and many other ways). It does not mean we don’t care about each other. It does not mean we are not devoted to each other.

    That’s what I meant to say.

  3. Yeah, um, you know, sometimes both men and women just like to masturbate ’cause hey, it’s fun and sometimes we like to use porn to do it. We. Both genders. Sometimes there’s no huge fucking deal about it, it’s just something we like, like ice cream. Only more private.

  4. Didja see the news article that chokin’ the chicken prevents prostate cancer!?

    Blind but cancer free, it is a valid choice!

  5. Wow, that was quite the rant, twoblue. For some reason i just didn’t expect that from you. I don’t know why, but I thought you’d be more dismissive of porn in general.

    i’ll take blind and cancer free – at least i won’t have to see my hairy palms! 🙂


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