Posted by: nhfalcon | April 3, 2008

The Latest Randomness

* – The greatest job ever?

I can think of a lot worse. 🙂

* my favorite radio morning show has a new schtick now, courtesy of the Boston Red Sox starting their season in Japan – “Baseball Player or Samurai Warrior?” The DJ’s come up with names of real Japanese baseball players currently playing in the MLB (like Ichiro Suzuki) or real samurai (like Miyamoto Musashi). Listeners call in and have to guess whether the name they’re given is a baseball player or a samurai. If they’re right, they win something like concert or sporting event tickets.

What makes the bit so funny is one DJ’s over-the-top Japanese accent. For example, “baseball player’ is pronounced “beis-a-bol pray-ahhhh,” and all the names are spoken as if he’s both suffering from constipation and has a gun to head if he doesn’t say a sixteen-syllable word in less than 1/10th of a second. Quite frankly I’m a bit surprised some reflexively irate Japanese person hasn’t called in to complain. Of course, being the politically incorrect schmuck I am, I find it funny as hell.

Me, politically incorrect? Nahhh… 🙂

* – Two things about the Bruce Springsteen song “Radio Nowhere.” 1) As the aforementioned radio show has pointed out, the music is a perfect copy of Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309 / Jenny.” 2) People give Stevie Nicks shit for mumbling when she sings?! I can’t make out one fucking word of “Radio Nowhere” except “radio nowhere.”

* – My son got a great book for Easter – “The Complete Book of Dinosaurs” by Dougal Dixon. It’s a bit beyond his reading level, but all he really cares about is the pictures, anyway, and it’ll still be there as he gets older and reads better. The book is like an encyclopedia, broken down first into the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous Periods, and then into the different types of dinosaurs – theropods, sauropods, ceratopsians, hadrosaurs, etc… It even includes the pterosaurs and marine reptiles of the times.

If you or anyone you know likes dinosaurs, get this book. We got it for Little Man from Waldenbooks for – get this – $5.99! 

* – In case you missed my last response to my previous post, I forgot anther great movie that I bet few people have seen or even heard of – The Pursuit of D. B. Cooper. Check it out if you get the chance.

* – Here’s a great author I bet you’ve never heard of: J. C. Pollock. I think I’ve got every book he’s ever written. His works were published mostly in the Eighties, and then he just disappeared. No matter how I try, I can’t find out what happened to him. His books were all Tom Clancy-type military thrillers, but centered around special operations-type missions rather than subs and tanks and things like that. If you can find his stuff in paperback, give ’em a read.

* – So Cookiemaker and I thought we’d be moving in a month or two. Then I spoke with our landlords. Our lease runs through October, and they’re not going to let us out of it. The only way we get out is if we can find somebody who will take over the apartment for us. In the meantime, Cookiemaker’s getting up at 4:30 every morning to get to work on time, sinking a crapload of cash into gas and tolls, and having state income taxes taken out of her paycheck that she hasn’t had to deal with in some time. It’s almost like her raise never happened. On top of that, where we want to move to would save us hundreds of dollars a month in rent and daycare expenses.

This sucks!

So, anybody know anyone who wants to move to the southern new England seacoast area?

* – it is about that time that schools start posting openings for next fall, though. Time to start sending out the application packets again. Wish me luck!

* – This may be the only time you’ll see a 6′ 5″ 200+-pound black man cry (you’d cry, too, if what happens about three minutes into the clip happened to you).

* – are these truly the only 50 words women hate? Were any left off the list? Should any be taken off?

* – here’s a joke I bet some women will hate. Here’s another one: A woman feels it’s time her husband does something about his ever-increasing waistline, so one day she puts on her most seductive voice and says, “If you lose twenty pounds I’ll dance for you.” To which he replies in his most sarcastic voice, “If you lose ten pounds, I’ll watch!”

Ouch! 🙂

* – as if I needed more incentive to have sex.

* – a friend of mine used to imbibe more than his fair share of alcohol when he was in high school and college. So much, in fact, that he was able to develop a list of what and what not to eat or drink beforehand if you know you’re going to go out and get tanked to the point of regurgitation. Apparently, milk comes up like plastic, bread comes up in one big lump, and Fruit Loops not only taste pretty much the same coming up as going down, but they also provide a colorful visual while your staring down at the toilet bowl recovering from emptying your stomach.

Just a little helpful hint…

* – I’ve worked in malls off and on for twenty years or so now (good god, kill me!), and they’ve always had “the mall walkers.” Mall walkers are retirees who come to the mall probably a couple of hours or so before any stores actually open and walk the perimeters of the hallways, usually in small groups, and then sit down for McDonald’s breakfasts and Dunkin’ Donuts coffees and talk. It’s not uncommon to hear people deride these older folks for having no lives and nothing better to do with their time.

I would vigorously disagree. I admire these people, to be quite honest. They get out and about, they get exercise, and they maintain a social life. To be honest, when I have the day off and Cookiemaker’s at work and Little Man’s at his daycare, I hardly ever leave the apartment unless I have to. I sit on my fat ass in my jammies and watch tv, surf the web, and play video games. Shit, there have been days when I’ve slept in ’till noon. Chances are very good these octagenarians (sp?) are in better physical condition than I am and likely have more friends (again – kill me).

So if you ever see these people when you’re in your local mall, smile at them, say hi, and look up to them, not down at them.



  1. Sweetie, I hate to break this to you, but we live in CENTRAL New England. RI and CT are southern NE….

  2. Oh, WHAT-EV-ER! picky, picky… Fine, in Central New England, then.

    And my understanding is that Connecticutt is a grey area. We here in New England think of it as part of New York, and New Yorkers think it’s part of New England. Kizz, care to enlighten us on this for the NY’er’s point of view?

  3. Mall walking, it seems to me, is a wonderful thing. Allows for a bit of exercise in a climate-controlled environment, in pretty much complete safety.

    Accordingly, since it is a beneficial harmless activity, I’m really surprised malls haven’t banned it entirely, and had the walkers escorted off the premises.

  4. too true, twoblue, too true…

    Whoa! I think I just channeled Dr. Suess there for a second! 🙂

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