Posted by: nhfalcon | December 21, 2007

The Insanity of the Season

So as I sit here watching Bing and Danny sing “White Christmas” in my jammies and sipping coffee (one of the few advantages to working in retail is not always having to be at work first thing in the morning), I just have to write about some of the things I’ve seen this holiday shopping season…

We had a fairly major snowstorm last Sunday. I think some areas of the state got close to or even over twelve inches of snow. I had to be at work at 8:30 that morning. I normally give myself about thirty minutes to get to work. That morning I gave myself sixty minutes, and I got there with only five or so minutes to spare. I didn’t find the roads to be as slick as I had feared, but the snow was coming down so heavily (some forecasts had predicted one to two inches per hour) that there were times I wasn’t sure where the road was.

Did that stop the mall from being open? Hell no! Did that make the mall close early? Hell no! Not so long as there was an almighty dollar to be made. And you know what? Some people actually came to the mall that day to shop! Are you kidding me?! Don’t you people have the internet? Didn’t you know this storm was coming? Didn’t you know Christmas was coming?


Anyway, here are some of the highlights of the day…

The first couple of customers I see in the mall are a man and a woman I have to assume was his wife. The woman was wearing stiletto heels! I kid you not! Stiletto heels! In a freaking nor’easter! What, had she just come in from her night out working the street corner?!

The first customer to walk into the store was a guy. I greeted him with my typical “good morning” and then asked him if there was anything I could to do help. He said, “No, thanks. I’m just looking.” I could not stop myself. Without missing a beat I replied, “Just looking? You came out in this (said with a meaningful glance out the window) just to look?!” Which roughly translated into “What are you, a fucking idiot?!” My district manager, who had braved the elements so he could wrap his family’s Christmas presents in peace (and set an example for his employees – if he was out in this, they should be out in this), could only shake his head and hide a smile. The customer beat a hasty retreat.

I was apalled at the number of people who came to the mall with their children. I’m not talking about teenagers or kids in grade school, either. I’m talking about toddlers and even infants here. I’ll say it again – are you fucking kidding me?! Look, pal, if you want to kill yourself by driving in this mess because you just gotta have a Nintendo Wii and / or Guitar Hero III, fine. Go for it. Good riddance to you. But what the hell are you doing risking the lives of your children?! Whatever it is you think you need, you don’t need it that bad. Wait to come to the mall another day. Have somebody buy it for you and then pay them back. Order it online. Stop thinking of just yourself, you selfish prick. And, oh, by the way, I don’t care if you have an SUV or any other vehicle that has four-wheel drive – you can still get into an accident, jackass!

P.S. – going back to the “you came here just to look?!” guy: Yes, I say stuff like that to customers. More often than not they assume (or perhaps hope) I’m joking and move on. I have yet to have a customer get pissed at me for it. Lately, as the Big Day draws nearer, I’ve been telling people who say they’re just looking “Just looking?! You know you only have x days left, right?” Any time of year I’ll shoot back at people who say they’re just window shopping with “Oh, we don’t sell those here. Try Home Depot.”

And yet somehow I still sell enough to keep my job… 🙂



  1. Honestly, though? I’d be careful with that sort of thing. Whether you’re selling or not, you could still lose your job over shit like that (even though *I* think it’s kind of funny, but I’m not the target of your comments…)

  2. Apparently Macy’s in NY was staying open 24 hours a day. I saw a news report this morning that people were in the store in the wee hours—with their children!

    Happies and warms to you.

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