Posted by: nhfalcon | October 2, 2007

Return of the Randomness

* – the following was seen on a bumper sticker as I was out and about this morning: “If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair!”

Assuming it’s a woman who drives this vehicle, I want to meet her! πŸ˜‰

* – is it wrong that I find this girl hot? And that I find her hot for the obvious (pair of) reasons?

* – this is how much of a geek I am. Lately, when I’ve had the time, I’ve been watching all three of The Lord of the Rings films. Not the movies, though – the bonus features stuff! Hours and hours of it! Behind the scenes, making of, cast and crew commentary, etc, etc, etc… What’s scary is thatΒ I find almost all of it not only fascinating and informative, but entertaining!

* – so David Letterman almost drove Paris Hilton to tears the other night, huh? GOOD!

* – so Britney’s going to lose her kids, huh? EVEN F#$%KING BETTER!!

* – now if only some karma would roll around on Lidsay Lohan, it would be a good day…

* – I’ve been working off and on for a half-dozen years now as a jewelry salesperson. Part of the job is cleaning people’s jewelry. If you’re doing the job the way you’re supposed to, you’re checking the jewelry under a gemscope before you clean it to make sure it’s really gold or platinum and that no gemstones are chipped or cracked or loose in their mountings.

Can I just tell you that I have seen some really, REALLY nasty s#$t when looking at people’s jewelry?

I understand that the human body creates a lot of dead skin during the course of the day, and that most people don’t clean their jewelry on a daily basis. I understand that the average woman uses a lot of products that build up on jewelry over time – lotion, makeup, soap, perfume, hairspray, etc. I have no problem with that stuff.

I’m talking about jewelry that looks like it was worn while the owner was making meatloaf. Or popped a zit into the jewelry. Or wiped her ass with the jewelry. I’m not joking here, folks. I have seen stuff that made my gorge rise before I even put it under the gemscope.

I hope nobody was eating while they read that…

* – My new boss and I are going to get along just fine.

For those of you who didn’t know, I left my old jewelry store to go work for another one right across the hall (more money, more hours, and the willingness to let me have the same two days off every week so I can sub at the high school I interned at last year made the decision a no-brainer).

Anyway, one of my former co-workers (should that be hyphenated?) swung by the other day to say hi and proceeded to tell me the story of how she recently got a small burn mark on the upper part of her right breast.

This girl (who shall remain nameless for the sake of what’s left of her dignity πŸ™‚ ) is um, er, ah, shall we say blessed? Endowed? Top-heavy? Stacked? Oh, all right, I’ll stop being subtle – she has a huge effing rack! Let me put it this way, I’m not sure she’s seen her feet in a while, and she’s not fat, ok? I worked with her for around a year and consider her a friend and I couldn’t tell you what her face looks like because I didn’t know that she had a head, all right? She…

Sorry, sorry, got off track there for a second…

Back to the story. She was making chicken parmigiana (sp?) for her roommates the other night and some of it spattered on her and gave her this burn. She was pointing the burn out to me, not even having to pull her top down a bit to show me (which speaks again to the size of her chest and her fashion taste – not that I mind, of course πŸ™‚ ) when David, the new boss, wanders over and takes a gander. What does he say?

“Wow, how’d you get that – carpet burn?”

I’m gonna like this guy…

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Responses

  1. Falcon, I tried to call you about this – I’m laughing so hard I can barely speak – but your cell phone’s voice mail isn’t set up.

    You are pretty fucking funny, my friend. Oh, and I agree with you about the back-story stuff on LoTR…

  2. No offense, Mrs. C., but you seem to be the only person who has a problem with my cell phone’s voicemail. Cookiemaker, Bowyer, work, and others have left me voicemails recently with no trouble at all.

    Which is a shame, because I would have loved to hear the commentary. I’m always happy to let somebody blow my horn for me.

    Figuratively speaking, of course. πŸ™‚

    Feel free to comment in more depth here, though, if you wish…

  3. I think of stick shifts much as I do with black-and-white televisions, buggy whips, slide rules and other obsolete stuff. I don’t know why people like ’em. As for sporting cars, they pretty much all have tiptronic now (I think all the formula one racers use them).
    Actually, geared transmissions are, at least I hop, on the way out in favor of continuously variable transmissions.


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