Posted by: nhfalcon | September 4, 2007

It’s Been A While…

so how about a little randomness, hmm?

* My friend Fourth Unit got married back on August 25th (to a woman who’s political views are starting to make me think I should dub her Moon Unit! Sorry, D. 🙂 ). The wedding was in New Jersey, and circumstances, both financial and otherwise, prevented Cookiemaker, Little Man, and I from attending. However, this past Sunday a little impromptu second reception was held a bit closer to home, so I packed up the family and drove in a more or less northerly direction to visit for a bit. It was a very pleaseant trip that only took a bit more than an hour and meandered through back roads dotted with forests and farms and country clubs and little towns. It was much more scenic than the usual highway jaunts.

Along the way I noticed two marketing ploys that were of completely opposite cleverness, and therefore, in my opinion, effectiveness…

One was a little coffee shop called… are you ready?… “Jitters.”

Jitters! What a GREAT name for a coffee shop!

It’s polar opposite was an Italian eatery called… “Alexander’s?”

WTF? “Alexander’s?” For an Italian place? That was the best you could do? Couldn’t you have at least made it try to sound, oh, I don’t know – Italian? How about Alexanderini’s? Alexanderio’s? Guido’s? Dago’s? Wop’s? Guinea’s?

There’s a place not far from the Chilis that has the same problem, btw. It is also an Italian place… called Roger’s. 


* A couple of weeks ago I randomly stumbled across a program on one of the local PBS stations about Windsor Castle. One segment of the show made me a touch… uncomfortable. Apparently the queen has two herds of prizewinning cattle. These herds have two different herdmasters (I’m not sure if that’s the proper term or not. I’m extemporizing here. Oooh! “Extemporizing!” My vocab word or the day!) and usually compete against one another in various contests.

So the narrarator is interviewing one of the herdmasters. While the herdmaster is grooming the cow.  The grooming taking place while the interview is going on involves shaving the cow’s udders.

At this point I would like to emphasize that I am fully aware that a cow is the female of the bovine species.

Nevertheless, the activity in question resembled nothing so much as one male shaving another male’s nutsack.

I am uncomfortable with that.

I am not a homophobe. I could care less what you sleep with. But could you at least stay within the species? 🙂

With the “I could care less what you sleep with” statement, I am reminded of yet another Dennis Miller quote: “About the only people I might quibble with are bisexuals, because I think we all agree at some point that these people are just incredibly greedy motherfuckers. I don’t ask much from a human being, but come down off the fence and pick a hole. All right? I don’t care what you fuck, but fuck it regularly. Show me a little tubal integrity.” 🙂 

* A former coworker of mine went to see Jimmy Buffett this past Sunday. I have been to two Buffett concerts in my life, and can’t wait to go to another one. Let me change that slightly – I can’t wait to go to another one of the tailgate parties that precede the concerts. The shows themselves are take it or leave it, in my opinion. He’s an old guy getting fatter, grayer, and balder who stands there, strums a guitar, and sings. The tailgate parties preceding his shows are legendary, however. Copious amounts of booze and food, a fair amount of wacky tobacky, lots of people in good moods and brightly colored clothing, and more women willing to display the form God gave them than you see on an average day. What’s not to like?

The women being free with their, ah, um… assets reminds me of a scheme my friend Smurfy (he hates it when I call him that 🙂 ) and I had for the next time we went to a Buffett show. We were going to have a bunch of t-shirts made up that said “I flashed my boobs at Buffett and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” If a girl asked “how much for the shirt?” we’d say “Show us your boobs.” If she assented, she got the shirt for free. If she said no, we’d charge her $10.

We figured we’d come out ahead either way. 🙂

* Mrs. and Mr. Chili, Bowyer, Cookiemaker, and I saw Jeff Dunham back on August 15th. This man is HILARIOUS! He’ll have a new special on Comedy Central on September 16th, followed by a new DVD called Sparks of Insanity.


And while you’re at it, get Arguing With Myself, too.



  1. Heh. I think your tee shirt scheme is BRILLIANT. Guess how I’D get my shirt?

    I’m counting down the days for the Dunham special – the TiVo is primed and ready!

  2. I’m thinking how you’d get your t-shirt, Mrs. C., would depend upon whether or not Mr. C. was within line of sight at the time…


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