Posted by: nhfalcon | January 9, 2007

Revelations 1:7:07

            I am not a religious man. Never have been. Not for a lack of trying on my parents’ part, by the way. They baptized me a Catholic, made me go to church and Sunday school and confession, the whole nine yards. It just never took. Oh, I believe there’s some higher power out there somewhere, something that decided to create the Big Bang and then sat back to watch what would happen, but I have a hard time believing that something is what people would like to conceive of as God or Allah or whatever name they’d like to give it.

 

            I talk about religion here only because I have no idea of the title of this post is a real chapter or verse or book or whatever in the Christian bible or not, and if it is I have no idea what it’s talking about. I gave this post its title because I had a personal revelation on January 7th of this year.

 

            I have been WAY too frickin’ tightly wound lately! What the hell is wrong with me?! Case in point: Cookiemaker, Little Man, and I went over to Mrs. Chili’s house not long ago to have a movie night with her and her family. We all ordered pizza for dinner. Cookiemaker and I forgot to pay for our part of the pizza that night. So, the other day I remembered that I had some cash in my wallet and that Cookiemaker was going to see Chili later that day, so I asked her which jacket she was going to wear so I could put the cash in the right jacket so she could pay Chili. Cookiemaker hemmed and hawed for not even a minute, debating which jacket to wear depending upon what the weather was going to be like that day, and I just snapped!  I crumpled up the money, practically jammed it down her throat and walked away without a word because I was suddenly out of patience and decided I had better things to do than wait for her to make a simple decision.

            WTF?! 

            Do I have stress in my life? Sure I do. I’m a husband, a father, a student, an intern, and a part-time jewelry salesperson. Money is tight. I don’t get to spend nearly as much time as I’d like to with my family, my friends, or by myself. This past holiday season sucked. No, my life is not perfect or what I would like it to be.

 

            So what? That describes most people’s lives. Everybody has stress. Nobody has a perfect life. So where do I get off taking it out on my wife? I don’t, and I shouldn’t. I should grow up, suck it up, and deal with it. And I should do so with a smile while I’m at it. Count my blessings, that sort of thing. I do have beautiful wife who loves me and spoils me rotten, and I should be grateful to her, not an a-hole. I have a beautiful son who’s healthy and happy and loves his Daddy. I have a loving, healthy relationship with my parents and my sister, no small feat apparently in this day and age. I am gainfully employed. I have shelter and clothing and food and toys and transportation. I have access to further my education.

 

            I would love any and all advice from any and all of you that can help me lighten the hell up. Kind words, tough love, whatever it takes.

            Thank you

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Responses

  1. Okay – first of all, recognize that ALL of this is completely subjective. I’m just speaking from my heart and experiences, and you’re welcomed to take any – or all – of it in any way you want. Or not at all.

    Yes, you should be nicer to your wife. Or, at least, more patient. That being said, your wife IS your wife and, as such, has made the implicit agreement to put up with your shit. That’s what husbands and wives do. If we can’t decompress to the one person in the world we’ve made the biggest commitment to, then we’re all sunk. Should you TEST that on a regular basis? No. But you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it, either.

    You also shouldn’t beat yourself up for being stressed out right now. I remember this time of year last year, where I was in a very similar situation as you. My internship was a smoldering wreck, my house was in pieces, we had no money, I had too many commitments and not enough energy or time…. It’s hard to hold yourself together through all that. It’s not unreasonable that you need to exhaust every once in a while.

    I don’t really have any advice to offer you except to remind you that you really ARE loved. You’ve got friends who care quite a bit about you, you have, as you mentioned, a beautiful family. That doesn’t serve to mitigate your stress (just because someone’s got it worse than you doesn’t mean you don’t still suffer), but it helps to stop in the midst of the chaos to be grateful for what’s going RIGHT.

    Lastly, Cookie DID give me the money. Now, it turns out, I owe YOU guys because the sub shop’s credit card machine was down. Sigh….

  2. We need dark so that we have something against which to access the quality of the light. That doesn’t help at all in the midst of the dark, but it’s true. I don’t really know you, but you asked, and I’m busy clawing my way out of a deep dark space myself. Taking time alone seems to help a lot. I imagine that is hard for you right now. Don’t feel guilty about it. You will be a better you when you return. Also, remember that this is temporary. At some point you will probably look back wondering what you were so upset about. That’s how you know the light is returning. Remember to breathe! Air is good.

  3. Although it may not seem like it, it sounds like you already have a grip on your stress. You also seem to have a found a way to deal with it…writing about it. We all have those times when it seems that one more stick will break the camel’s back, and we each handle them in our own way.
    I need quiet time. I get up an hour earlier than everyone else, so I can read the paper (local…important to my sanity to know the good things going on in my community, not just the bad things going on in the rest of the world). I also avoid television. I know this goes against most people’s idea that TV helps them unwind; but when I feel that there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done, I turn off the TV and computer. You would be amazed at how much time I find!
    Those are just a couple of the ways I deal with the stresses in my life. I wish you luck in dealing with your.
    Terri

  4. OK, I’m a little late on this discussion but it’s not like you’ll never ever have any stress in your life ever again. I’m an only child and I like that. So, my prescription for this sort of thing is always to get some time with no other people around. Even at a job that stressed me out a lot I’d go to the bathroom and sit in there for a while, sometimes like 15 minutes, just to get a grip and breathe. I know it seems like taking MORE time away from your family is silly but taking a walk around the block or even just stopping in the grocery store parking lot and sitting in your car by yourself to listen to a song you like can work wonders. Music helps me a lot, too.


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