I have a female friend at work that I’ll clepe FunSize. She lives with three roommates, two guys and a girl. One of the guys had a birthday the other day, so they all took him out to nearby strip club to celebrate. FunSize called me a few days later to tell me about it, and I just had to laugh at her observations. For example:

“None of them (the strippers) knew how to shake their ass.”

“None of them used the pole (the ubiquitous and apparently obligatory floor-to-ceiling pole that every strip club seems to have where once upon a time strippers would use it to climb, swing around, and as a phallic symbol in various ways).”

And finally, my personal favorite:

“Why do they (again, the strippers) find it necessary to try to have a conversation with you when they come over to take your money? ‘Hey, honey, I didn’t come here to talk to you, I came here to see you naked. Now shut up and show me your tits!’”

Why can’t all women have this kind if attitude when it comes to strip clubs and strippers?

Oh, btw, “clepe” is Old English for “to call or name.” I gotta use my B.A. in English for something now and again, don’t I?

And, oh, btw, FunSize, if you really want to get me something for my birthday in 18 days you can take me to a strip club, ok?